SUBSCRIBE:  Apple Podcasts  |  Spotify  |  Google Podcasts  |  Radio Public  |  Stitcher  |  Podchaser  |  RSS

become_a_patron_button@2x.png

EPISODE 2: A MURDER MOST MYSTERIOUS

The denizens of Big Momma’s boarding house were shaken from their sleep by a shrill scream and ghastly news! A police officer came a-calling with questions about their housemate, Hannah Pickering, who had been found dead. But it wasn't Hannah's scream they heard - that was their kindly landlord being savagely attacked by fellow tenant, Father Grandfather. The elderly bible salesman was taken into custody for his assault; yet shockingly this lunatic appears to not have been the murderer.

Now, as the sun rises over Arkham, light is cast on the sinister leavings of the cruel night. These five unlikely companions find themselves faced with a mystery and a benefactor that can make it worth their while to solve it.

Content Warning: Gore

Full Transcript Below

Original score composed and performed by Ryan and Mike McQuinn of Neon Dolphin Music Design

CREDITS:

Written & Performed by:
Luke Stram – The Keeper
Doug Banks | Cap Blackard | Brandon Gerson | Kay | Ruel Knudson

 

Sound Design: Colin Peterson

Editing: Colin Peterson & Cap Blackard

Story Editing: Cap Blackard

Cast (In Order of Appearance):
Cap Blackard as The Narrator/ The Announcer

Jessica Uelmen as The Housewife

Kay as Deloras Delaney

Ruel Knudson as Sam Spade

Brandon Gerson as Father Grandfather
Cap Blackard as Cyril Bridgewater
Doug Banks as Hank O’Brien Jr.

Musical Spotlight: "Welcome to my Nightmare" by Thomas Negovan

Original Score: Ryan McQuinn and Mike McQuinn
Neon Dolphin - Bandcamp

Series I Album Art by Tony Baldini
 

TRANSCRIPT:

[Omniverse Audio Brand]

Announcer:
The Call of Cthulhu Mystery Program contains content that may not be suitable for all ages - listener discretion is advised.

Visit CthulhuMystery.com and head to Patreon.com/OmniverseMedia to join our community of fans and unlock further secrets.
 
[Intro Music]
 
Gruff Voice:
Do you hear that?
 
[SFX: Echoing wail.]
 
Gruff Voice:
In the cruel blackness of night, an unknowable evil from beyond time cries out! What dark deeds unfold on the streets of Arkham? And which unwitting souls, innocent or impure, will succumb to the maddening call? The call…of Cthulhu!
 
Announcer:
Eyrx Dessert Company - makers of Lushus Jelly Crystals, bring you Part 2 of The Call of Cthulhu Mystery Program. Tonight’s strange story: “A Murder Most Mysterious.”


With Lushus Jelly Crystals, you’ll enter a new dimension of taste sensation: twelve flavors you and your family will love to eat and she’ll love to make.
 
Housewife:
Lushus Jelly Crystals will brighten up any drab day, and tongues from coast to coast are taking tasteful inventory.
 
The secret is the patented flavor bud. One lick and you’ll be in a Lushus world of double-rich cherry flavor, succulent peach, and juicy melon.
 
Lushus Jelly Crystals are sublime; unlike any gelatin dessert you’ve tasted before. And you won’t believe how easy it is! Everything you need is sealed within the flavor bud and brought to life with Eyrx’s jelly crystals. In no time, you’ll have a jiggling, wriggling, writhing dessert that’s impossible to resist!
 
A meal you’ve got to try, and so pleasing to the eye, you can’t help but cry, “Oh, my!” That’s Lushus!
 
Announcer:
Lushus Jelly Crystals from Eyrx Dessert Company: look for them at your grocery store—the one in the non-Euclidean box.
 
Narrator:
Previously, the denizens of Big Momma’s boarding house were shaken from their sleep by a shrill scream and ghastly news. A police officer had come calling with questions about their housemate, Hannah Pickering, a young woman who that very evening had been found dead—the result of a savage attack. That horror happened outside of town; the scream was that of the kindly Ma, who, while helping the police officer, was struck by her own tenant, an elderly Bible salesman called Father Grandfather. He was taken into custody for his assault, yet shockingly by all accounts appears to not have been the murderer. Now, as the sun rises over Arkham, light is cast on the sinister leavings of the cruel night.
 
[SFX: Jazz music plays on an old record player.]
 
[SFX: Birds twittering.]  
 
Keeper:
So you guys all get some sleep. You guys are woken up bright and early next morning by a surprisingly cheerful Ma who now has a nice, livid scar covered in stitches. Her smile powers through it.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Deloras Delaney [to Ma]:
Well, aren’t you just a ray of sunshine?
 
Sam Spade:
Probably the morphine.
 
Father Grandfather:
If I was there, I’d punch her smile.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
On my way downstairs to go to breakfast, if the door is open (unlocked, that is), I would like to go into the old man’s room, see if there’s anything—any scratch I can find.
 
Keeper:
Well, as his door hadn’t been locked or closed, even, since the altercation, yeah, it’s lying open. There’s currently what looks for all the world to be a pipe bomb sitting on his—on his bed.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I’m going to leave that alone. Anything under the mattress?
 
Keeper:
A stack of Bibles.
 
Father Grandfather:
I had several ventures!
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I’ll flip through a couple in case there’s any money in there.
 
Keeper:
You flip it open. The front page says, “This is a secret Bible.”
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
A secret Bible!
 
Keeper:
That’s why he keeps it under the mattress.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Ah! Well—
 
[SFX: Pages turning in a book.]
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
—I’ll turn a couple more pages and see if there’s any indication of what kind of a secret Bible this might be.
 
Keeper:
Looks like it’s the kind he keeps under his mattresses, although—I don’t know if Father Grandfather has anything else to add to that, about the nature of his Bibles.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
He’s going to have to roll a check to see if he can get the back part open.
 
Keeper:
Roll your Spot Hidden.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
My Spot Hidden is a 38. I rolled a 51.
 
Keeper:
Okay, so something’s wrong with this Bible. You can tell that. You flip open the first few pages, doesn’t seem to really be anything out of the unusual. And then, yeah, given the extremity of this, you do notice, though, that for some reason the back half of the pages don’t seem to flip.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
If there’s a lock, I’ll force it.
 
Keeper:
You don’t seem to see one anywhere on it. That’s the rub. Whatever Father Grandfather’s secrets are, they’re well-kept.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
So—so there’s no way I can see to definitely get this thing open easily without—
 
Keeper:
If you want to be late to breakfast, you can spend a good twenty minutes jimmying around with it. Get it—try to pop it open, or you could just hammer away at it.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
I’ll just shove it under his pillow and see if I come back to it.
 
Keeper:
Okay. Okay. You make your way down to breakfast along with everybody else. Again, the surprisingly chipper Ma is down there—
 
[SFX: Dishes and cutlery clinking.]
 
Keeper:
—serving breakfast to everybody. She makes sure to give Hank Jr. and Sam Spade particularly large helpings of bacon for their kindness.
 
Sam Spade.:
Baaaacon!
 
Keeper:
And then she says:
 
Ma:
Oh, by the way, a police officer gentleman gave a call, Mr. Spade, and said he was going to be coming by soon. He should be here pretty soon to answer some—or, ask you some questions. I wasn’t quite sure what it was about. I kind of drifted for a bit there and…


 

Keeper:
And she just trails off.
 
Sam Spade:
Do I smell alcohol?
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Keeper:
No, but her eyes are pretty wide.
 
Sam Spade:
Okay.
 
Keeper:
Cyril, you recognize that look.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
I do, do I?
 
Keeper:
Yeah, you recognize that look. She’s riding high.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
Okay.
 
Keeper:
Understandable, given her situation.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
Yeah. Duly noted, in case I need to replenish my supply before I head out.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
He just gets a long pause that goes—I’ll just be like, Well, thank you kindly for the bacon, Ma. Just start finishing.
 
Keeper:
You guys have a wonderful breakfast—all of you, except for the good Father Grandfather who has a piece of cold toast with butter on it.
 
Father Grandfather:
The Lord provides me all the nutrition I need.
 
[SFX: Fluorescent lights humming.]
 
Keeper:
Speaking of which, Father Grandfather, after you have your meager jail breakfast, a cop comes up to you and says:
 
Cop:
Mr. Grandfather? My understanding that your landlord has decided not to press charges. So you’re going to be released under your own recognizance. Cognizance?
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
You’re set free!
 
Keeper:
Yeah.
 
Father Grandfather:
Why thank you, Sir, I knew y’all’d see the light.
 
Keeper:
Get the hell out of jail.
 
Father Grandfather: Whoop! Whoohoohoo.
 
Keeper:
And you lose d4 of your credit rating.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
What? Three.
 
Keeper:
Okay, so you lose three points of your credit rating as your good name is besmirched by assaulting your landlord and being arrested.
 
Father Grandfather:
I’m sprinting back to my—to the boardinghouse, to my rooms of secret Bibles. I need them with me at all times.
 
Keeper:
You’re running back there with speed.
 
[SFX: Clattering dishes.]
 
Keeper:
Meanwhile, as you guys are eating your breakfast, there’s a knock at the door—
 
[SFX: Knock at the door.]
 
Keeper:
—and another police officer comes in.
 
[SFX: Door opens.]
 
Keeper:
This guy, though, he’s not dressed in a uniform. He’s dressed plainclothes. He introduces himself to the lot of you.
 
Detective Hardin:
Hello, there, I’m Detective Hardin. I understand you guys were some of the last to see Hannah alive. Which one of you is Mr. Spade?
 
Sam Spade:
That would be me.
 
Detective Hardin:
So I was speaking with someone and he said that you were, I guess, an agent before?
 
Sam Spade:
Yes.
 
Detective Hardin:
Oh, excellent. Listen, now, I know this is kind of out there but would you mind doing some looking into this on your own? I’d really appreciate it. Listen—
 
Sam Spade:
I would love to do that, but I have rent I have to pay. I have a job I’ve got to go to. I don’t get paid for this anymore.
 
Detective Hardin:
Well, listen, if you find anything, I’ll make sure you guys get paid and also you’ll have—trust me, you’ll have a friend in the department.
 
Sam Spade:
Well, a job’s a job.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Sam Spade:
I guess I could take this one on.
 
Detective Hardin:
Tell you what—
 
Keeper:
And he actually reaches into his own pocket and pulls out a—pulls out his wallet, counts out five dollars, and hands it to you, and says,
 
Detective Hardin:
It would mean a lot to me.
 
Sam Spade:
Yeah. I look at that. Wow.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Cops are so different back in the day. They give you money.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
I’m kind of stunned myself! Wow, okay. I’ll head right out there.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Hey, if you’re—if you’re deputizing people…
 
Sam Spade:
Yeah, I’ll take him with me.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Keeper:
Why don’t you guys roll Persuade?
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
This is going to be like Die Hard 3.
 
Sam Spade:
I’m taking him because he just wrestled a sixty year-old man to the ground and beat the crap out of him without thinking twice. I want somebody that’s going to do that.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
My Persuade’s 80 and I rolled 10.
 
Keeper:
Oh, okay. Well, you rolled a 10. He says:
 
Detective Hardin:
Okay, okay fine. Listen, I can’t be handing out piles of money to you and your crew, whatever, you know, but here. Here’s a couple more bucks.
 
Keeper:
He slaps down three dollars.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Because I’m white!
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character - to Cyril]:
Wait, you’re not white? It’s the 20s!
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I count that money, and I put it in my pocket, and it’s three more dollars than I had before!
 
Detective Hardin:
Now, listen, Mr. Spade. Just to kind of let you know: we have no idea what this was so far. Now, I heard you had something to say about it maybe being a husband or, like, a father, I guess? We haven’t found anything there, but she’s been ripped open.
 
[SFX: Dramatic stinger.]
 
Keeper:
She says that—he says that and then, like, looks over at Ma with this absolutely guilty shame-face.
 
Deloras Delaney:
Oh!

 

Keeper:
She doesn’t notice anything, and after staring at her for a little bit, kind of looks back over to Deloras. How’s Deloras looking?
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
Well, she’s probably compulsively cleaning the kitchen.
 
Keeper:
Okay.
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
And just, like, trying to make herself busy as much as possible.
 
Keeper:
Hardin just looks a little concerned about scaring the womenfolk. And he—looking at them, he kind of goes back to it, says:
 
Detective Hardin:
Listen, she was ripped open. Not pretty. Not pretty at all.
 
Sam Spade:
Where’s the body now?
 
Detective Hardin:
Well, they picked her up, took her to the morgue—
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I’m going to just usher us three out of the kitchen.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
I was going to say, at this point, Hank puts his drink, and knife, and fork down, and just sits quietly while they’re talking about the body.  
 
Deloras Delaney:
Are you done with that?
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
No, I’m just letting it settle first for a minute.
 
Deloras Delaney:
Oh.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr:
Just need to—I fully intend on finishing.
 
Deloras Delaney:
Look down disappointedly.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character - about Hank Jr.]:
His stomach makes this gurgling noise.
 
Detective Hardin:
Yeah, basically, I mean, from what we understand so far, you guys weren’t actually the last to have seen her.
 
Keeper:
As you guys kind of make your way off, he’s kind of explaining this all to you. He says:
 
Detective Hardin:
So, there was this call about a crazy woman wandering around in the middle of the road in the middle of night last night. We sent one of our beat cops out, guy named Hallicot. New guy. He went out there, went looking for it, he ended up—found her spilled all over the side of the road like a sack of potatoes. He didn’t take it too well but that’s kind of why you guys were the next step. We don’t—we don’t know what happened to her. We don’t know why she was out there.
 
Sam Spade:
She was out by the junkyard, ripped open, and wandering around crazy before that happened.
 
Detective Hardin:
Yeah.
 
Sam Spade:
Then she is high as a kite.
 
Detective Hardin:
Now, I mean, Hallicot—listen, Hallicot put in a—you know, his report and everything, but if you guys want to go talk to him, I can give you guys his address.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Have you folks ruled out animals? We were asking last night, I recall, and—
 
Detective Hardin:
Pretty sure it’s not animals. I mean, it looks like stuff is missing. We’re not sure it’s animals. It just doesn’t look like a bite or anything.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Okay. Well, not how I thought I’d be spending my morning, but like you said, Sam, a job is a job and hopefully we can provide some insight for you, Officer, and rustle up something that maybe your boys missed.
 
Detective Hardin:
Yeah, yeah, that’d be good. And if you’ve got any official police business, try to keep it to me. That would be best. Here’s my card—
 
Sam Spade:
Thank you.
 
Detective Hardin:
—in case you guys need to give me a call.
 
[SFX: Business card passed around.]
 
Sam Spade:
You should interview everybody that called in. Make a map of everybody that called in and when they called in so we know exactly which direction she was going, where she was coming from.
 
Detective Hardin:
Well, it was only one call we got. It was a couple heading up north. I think Shrewsbury Port or something. They were just driving down the road, they almost hit her, and then they put in a call when they got to their destination. And—
 
Sam Spade:
What time did that call come in?
 
Detective Hardin:
Late last night. Late, late.
 
Sam Spade:
You don’t know the exact time?
 
Detective Hardin:
The time the call came in? 1 A.M.
 
Sam Spade:
What time did she leave? I remember her leaving.
 
Keeper:
You guys—well, for those of you who saw her leave that last night, she probably left maybe around seven or so.     
 
Sam Spade:
Wow, that’s a lot of time. There’s nothing to work with there.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
We can go stomp around at the junkyard, see what we see on the way there.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
How far away is the junkyard?
 
Keeper:
Few miles out of town.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
How far away is my character?
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Few miles out of town and we’re in the middle of town?
 
Keeper:
Yeah. As you guys are discussing, you guys hear:
 
[SFX: Frantic pounding on the door.]
 
Sam Spade:
Shit.
 
Keeper:
And then the door flies open.
 
[SFX: Door opens violently.]
 
Father Grandfather:
Greetings, y’all!
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Can I slam it shut?
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Motherfucker!
 
Father Grandfather:
Guys, I’m okay. I’m not going to do nothing. I’m just here for my Bibles.
 
Cyril Bridgewater. [Out of Character]:
Can I just deck him?
 
Keeper:
Yeah, if you—I mean, there is a—
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
You can try.
 
Keeper:
There is a cop standing there. You going to take a swing at him? Go ahead. Roll your Punch.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
You’ll go to jail!
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
I rolled a 46.
 
Keeper:
Out of…?
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
My skill for Fist Punch is 65.
 
Keeper:
Okay, so yeah—
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Oh, Jesus.
 
Keeper [to Father Grandfather]:
So, yeah, roll your Dodge if you want to try to dodge out of the way of that as you try to persuade him not to punch you in the face.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
My Dodge says Dex times Fear.
 
Keeper:
Yeah, and then—
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Also 30.
 
Keeper:
Yeah, so 30’s your percentage.
 
[Dice roll.]  
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
90.
 
Keeper:
Okay.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Man, my rolls are shit in every fucking game I play!
 
Keeper:
So the old man lurches back with preternatural speed and then bounces back up just in time to get knocked in the face.
 
[SFX: Punch lands.]
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
3.
 
Keeper:
Okay, so he hits you hard and you’ve got a nice shiner. You go sprawling back. Are you going to respond to this in kind or are you going to take this like a gentleman? Like a Georgia gentleman?
 
Father Grandfather:
I deserved that, I guess.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Who let this psychopath out of jail?
 
Father Grandfather:
Wait, guys, guys, guys: I know what happened to her. I know what happened to the lady.
 
Keeper:
Hardins says:
 
Detective Hardin:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. Calm it down, here.

 

Sam Spade:
I’m afraid this is a necessary part of our investigation.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
This man took Ma’s face apart!
 
Father Grandfather:
Yeah, I know what happened to the lady. I know how she died.
 
Detective Hardin:
Yeah. I heard about that. I heard about that. You were lucky that Ma’s a very forgiving lady.
 
Father Grandfather:
Oh, we go way back. This ain’t the first time. Won’t be the last.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
That’s shit. That’s bullshit.
 
Father Grandfather:
She likes it. Why didn’t she press charges? She craves it.
 
Sam Spade:
Why—?
 
Father Grandfather:
Look, the Lord says, “Help those who help themselves.” And that’s all I do.
 
Sam Spade:
So how—?
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
What do you think you know, old man?
 
Father Grandfather:
Right. Here’s what happened to the lady, right? She had a child out of wedlock so obviously, she was pregnant with the devil’s child and it burst forth from within her, tearing her and eviscerating her innards. Obviously, it came from within her—because it was the devil—and blew her apart. And that’s why you don’t have sex out of wedlock.
 
Sam Spade :
We’re going to put a pin in that theory. We will explore that this afternoon.
 
Father Grandfather:
You guys need me.
 
Keeper:
Hardin looks pretty shocked at this statement. And says:
 
Detective Hardin:
You guys have any other questions about this? Anything I can—I want to kind of lay it out here because I’ve got—I’ve got stuff I’m handling and unfortunately I can’t do much, but if you guys can do this…
 
Sam Spade:
Yeah, I want to know where the body is.
 
Detective Hardin:
Where the body—? It’s at the morgue.
 
Sam Spade:
Okay, good. At least you got that done right.
 
Detective Hardin:
Tell them I sent you, they should let you in no problem.
 
Deloras Delaney:
Deloras will come out with an entire thing of tea and ask- were any other bodies that they found like this before.
 
Detective Hardin:
Like this? Like, recently? Or just in general?
 
Deloras Delaney:
In general. In this area.
 
Detective Hardin:
Not really. Few years back, there were a few ritual killings. Kind of crazy stuff, like crazy, crazy witchcraft stuff, but even that was not like this, not just, like, in the middle of the road. You know what I mean? That’s, like, crazy set-up and stuff. Nasty.
 
Deloras Delaney:
I just want to make sure it’ll be safe if I ever have to go out.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
I’m going to roll some kind of a—some kind of Intelligence/Intuition based on cultural background. I didn’t consider until this moment that maybe there could be some kind of a ritual involved in any of this.
 
Keeper:
Occult is actually a skill. Or you can just roll your Education halved.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
Well, I do have—I do have some Occult.
 
Keeper:
Yeah, roll that.
 
[Dice roll.]
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
I got a 12/26.
 
Keeper:
Okay! So, yeah, you think about this from some of your time down South: voodoo rituals, things like that. Usually that’s performed on animals, but that tends to usually be in a ritualistic place. But if he’s right about what he’s saying about organs being taken, that’s a possibility. That could have some kind of occult tie-in if it, you know—certain organs have power and—
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Well, I’m going to put that under my hat until it becomes necessary information.
 
[Dice roll.]
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
I did not know that.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Sam Spade:
You know, we know that you imbibe and she’s clearly imbibed. Would you be able to find out where she gets her stuff?
 
Deloras Delaney:
Probably the hospital?
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
Is there still a police officer here while he’s saying this?
 
Keeper:
Yes.
 
Father Grandfather:
[Laughs.]
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I’m not sure what—I get my liquor from the liquor store, Sir.
 
Sam Spade:
Well, find out where she gets her liquor.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Where Ma gets her—? Who you pointing to?
 
Sam Spade:
Ma, yeah. She’s clearly the only person here that’s liquored up.
 
Deloras Delaney:
Probably because she got slashed in the face and is in a super amount of pain.
 
Sam Spade:
Yeah, she had this girl living in her house and her face got—or, her entire body got ripped up. She was assaulted by a lunatic last night and she is far from PTSD, okay? She should be a little shaken up. I don’t care how much you medicate. There’s a certain level of “Aw, fuck!” Like, “This sucks…”
 
Cyril Bridgewater [to Detective Hardin]:
Sure thing. Anyway, we’ll let you know. We’ll call you up if we find anything.
 
Detective Hardin:
Certainly, certainly. That’d be great. Listen, anything you guys can find, I’d appreciate it. Agent, I’m relying on you.
 
Sam Spade:
Good luck.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Sam Spade:
This is a nice start. If this investigation runs into tomorrow, you know, I mean, this is—
 
Detective Hardin:
Yeah, yeah.
 
Sam Spade:
—going to be an ongoing— Okay.
 
Detective Hardin:
Yeah, hang on.
 
[SFX: Paper being torn from a notepad.]
 
Keeper:
And he rips out his notepad and scribbles down an address on it—
 
[SFX: Pencil scribbling across the page.]
 
Keeper:
—gives you the address of Officer Hallicot who is the officer that had discovered the body. He says:
 
Detective Hardin:
If you guys want to talk to him, he’s the one who found her. He might be helpful, I don’t know.
 
Father Grandfather:
Father Grandfather’s going to follow you around. Be your little shepherd. I’m going to help you out. It’s good. I’ve got Bibles everywhere.
 
Sam Spade:
I thank the officer, go upstairs, get my .38.
 
Detective Hardin:
Thank you, folks. Thank y’all. See you. See you.
 
Keeper:
And he makes his way out.
 
[SFX: Door closes.]
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
On the way up the stairs, I slap Sam on the shoulder. Mr. Spade, next time you want to talk about imbibing in front of an officer, maybe double-check that with your, you know, with your—
 
Sam Spade:
He’s not going to—he’s not going to do anything because we’re the two people looking into this case for him.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Yeah, that’s fine.
 
Keeper:
Hank, you’re still—
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
I was going to say, are you guys in the living room still?
 
Keeper:
Hang on. I’m sorry. One quick thing.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
We’re walking up the stairs.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
Okay. When you’re on your way up, Hank’s going to put his coffee down, he’s going to start going up the stairs. Because obviously I heard everything you guys—everything that was going to happen.
 
Deloras Delaney:
Animals! Animals, all of you! Clean.
 
Keeper:
Yeah, you guys all head upstairs. As—
 
Deloras Delaney:
You couldn’t even put it next to the sink! Had it sitting on the table.
 
Keeper:
Delaney, you clean up after everybody, and as you’re down there, you hear the smack—
 
[SFX: Heavy-sounding thud.]
 
Keeper:
—of something against the doorstop, and you go out and you see the morning paper has arrived.
 
[SFX: Rustling of a newspaper.]
 
Keeper:
Looks like it’s got some interesting articles in it.
 
Deloras Delaney:
Ooo, I do read it because I love to read. Reading is a thing I love.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
Well, anyway, so Hank’s—if he’s following you guys up the stairs, when there’s a break in the conversation, Hank’s just going to sort of just slide in there, just like, You want to follow this girl’s tracks? I can help you track her.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
How’s that?
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
Done a lot of hunting in my time. I think I might be able to help steer you guys in the right direction, see if she went anywhere else besides the dump.
 
Keeper:
As you guys are walking up the stairs, talking to each other, you guys actually walk past Hannah’s room as you guys are discussing things.
 
Sam Spade:
So I get my .38.
 
Keeper:
Okay.
 
Sam Spade:
Because I’m not being in this house with that—
 
Father Grandfather:
All I’ve got are Bibles!
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
While he’s getting his .38, I’m going to jiggle doorknobs—
 
[SFX: Doorknob rattling.]
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
—see if it’s open.
 
Keeper:
Looks like it’s locked.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
It’s locked. Alright. Well then, I’m going to kick it—
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
Ma have the key? Ma must have the key.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
—open.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
Or Ma has the key.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I’m going to go down—yeah, I’m going to go down, I’m going to say, Hey, Ma. Did you happen to have Hannah’s key? We’re helping with the investigation.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
You hear a loud “Smack!”
 
Ma:
She was such a sweet girl. Yeah, yeah, I got her key. Here, here, here.
 
Keeper:
She kind of fumbles around the kitchen for awhile then just hands you a keyring full of keys.
 
[SFX: Keys jingle.]
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
That’s great. That’s great, Ma. Thank you so much! Going to Hannah’s door first and foremost, get in there, see what I see.
 
[SFX: Door opens.]
 
Keeper:
Unlock it and make your way in. As you go into the apartment, you’re looking around it. By and large it looks like a pretty clean place but it’s also very bare. Clean probably isn’t enough. I’d say more sterile. Like, she doesn’t really get a lot of use out of this place. You look around, there’s not really any personal effects other than some clothes and some basic items like some cutlery, some snack foods, things like that. No newspapers, photos, or anything. The bed looks freshly made, although as you’re looking around, it’s slightly damp to the touch.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
I will investigate this damp to the touch, if there’s anything to it, and if there’s not, Spot Hidden.
 
Keeper:
You strip back the sheets on it and it looks like the entire linen is slick and black with mildew. Biology, Natural History, or Halved Idea.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
It’s like my bed.
 
Keeper:
You can do any of those.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Somehow I knew that would be like your bed.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
Biology, Natural History—
 
Keeper:
Biology, Natural History, or Halved Idea. Everybody has a pretty good Idea.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
I’ll do a Halved Idea. That would be 43 and 1/2.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Damn, you got high Idea, Son!
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
42 and 1/2.
 
Keeper:
Round up.
 
[Dice roll.]
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
And I got a 49.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
Okay. Well, let me do mine. Mine’s—half of my Idea’s 40.
 
[Dice roll.]
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
48.
 
Keeper:
Okay. You guys look at it—
 
[Dice roll.]
 
Keeper:
—and that’s just kind of gross.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
98. Have a nice day.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Am I overhearing any of this?
 
Keeper:
Yeah, I mean, yeah, you come out, you’ve got your Bibles clutched to you. You see they’ve gone into Hannah’s room.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Can I just stare into it and roll a check?
 
Keeper:
Yeah, yeah. Sure.
 
[Dice roll.]
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Nope.
 
Keeper:
Okay.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
We all dumb as idiots.
 
Keeper:
That’s okay. You guys look at it. It’s just basically—this bed is just nasty and slick with mildew. Doesn’t look like she’s been—
 
Sam Spade:
Ma’s been skipping on laundry day!
 
Keeper:
Doesn’t look like she’s used it recently, at least.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I think—I think maybe Hannah’s been parking it somewhere else. None of this seems right. None of this seems right at all.
 
Keeper:
Yeah. As you look around a little more, you notice—because you’re specifically checking over her bed, you notice that inside of one of her pillows, she’s got a small little diary—
 
[SFX: Dramatic stinger.]
 
Keeper:
—tucked away in it.
 
Deloras Delaney:
I want to come over and knock on the door and say, Mr. Spade, I found something in the kitchen.
 
Sam Spade:
Right, and I defacto look at this guy.
 
Deloras Delaney:
What about—what about… Well, I was—well, I was reading the paper from this morning and it mentioned something about the artists?
 
Sam Spade [Muttering]:
“Hannah Pickering, 20, originally…”
 
[SFX: Newspaper rustling.]
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Give me that. Give me that.
 
Sam Spade:
No, no, no.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
And here’s what Cyril read on the newspaper:
 
“‘Arkham Typist Slain.’ The body of Hannah Pickering, 20, a resident of Arkham for the past six months, was found early this morning on the city’s outskirts by police. Certain unspeakable liberties were taken with the deceased, apparently after death.
 
The horrible crime recalls the Jack the Ripper murders committed in London forty years ago. Ms. Pickering’s family have not yet been traced, but their grief, when they are told of their daughter’s death, can be imagined.
 
Police Chief Asa Nichols went on record today to state that, “The maniac who was responsible for this deed must surely have been some transient—”
 
I look at Father Grandfather.
 
 “—perhaps one of the amoral sensualists who are attracted to nearby Kingsport, claiming to be artists. Surely no Arkham resident could be responsible for so repugnant a crime.”
 
Chief Nichols promised that the killer of Miss Pickering would be swiftly brought to justice. The citizens of Arkham can but pray that he is right.”
 
Deloras Delaney:
There’s another article that I ripped out from the paper because I thought it would be handy for us.
 
Keeper:
Yeah, that second one is from the Arkham Gazette. The first one is from The Advertiser. Two of Arkham’s finest newspapers.
 
Deloras Delaney:
This one reads:
 
“The body of Ms. Hannah Pickering, 20, was found at 1 A.M. this morning beside the North Garrison Road, near the town dump. The victim had been dead for less than an hour when discovered, officials say.
 
Police Officer Edmund Hallicot, who discovered the body, said, “I have never seen so horrible a sight. Whoever did this was an animal.” The reporter understands that the nature of the attack was brutal in the extreme and that the details are not fit for publication in a family newspaper. The perpetrator of the deed as yet remains unknown at large.”  
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
That is strange. There was a murderer in Austin so many years ago who murdered servant girls. A number of them. I hope it’s not a similar thing. She wasn’t—
 
Deloras Delaney:
Like, a Jack the Ripper?

 

Cyril Bridgewater:
Well—
 
Deloras Delaney:
Adjusts glasses.
 
Sam Spade:
No, that’s ridiculous.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
In Austin, Texas. But this may be different. There may be—there may be something more to this—
 
Deloras Delaney:
A copycat.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Someone—especially if someone took the liberties with her and if there were organs missing. We might be on to something much darker than—
 
Father Grandfather:
How does that newspaper know things were done to her if the police didn’t release those details—
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
You shut up, old man!
 
Father Grandfather:
I’m just saying! The police didn’t release those details.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Shut your damn mouth!
 
Father Grandfather:
How’s that newspaper company know about it?
 
Sam Spade:
Jack the Ripper thing is a sensationalist thing. Jack the Ripper killed prostitutes. This woman was not a prostitute.
 
Father Grandfather:
Well, aren’t they all, though, really? In the Lord’s eyes?
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Alright…
 
Father Grandfather:
Prosciutto curtains.
 
Deloras Delaney:
Oh, no!
 
Sam Spade:
Body ripped open, was running around and acting like a lunatic. We’ve got—well, one lunatic upstairs with us, but he isn’t on anything. We got another lunatic downstairs on something.
 
Father Grandfather:
I’m high on the Lord.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I mean, Ma’s on something because of the pain in her face. I don’t feel that Ma was on anything prior to Mr. Bullwhip here. I assume that Sam’s ready to go. Are you ready to head out?
 
Sam Spade:
You got a diary.
 
[SFX: Dramatic stinger.]
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Oh, that’s right! I completely forgot.
 
Sam Spade:
Maybe she wrote down what she was doing that night.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Oh, I thought he said, “diarrhea.”
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Let’s find out.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
She had diarrhea in the pillow.
 
Keeper:
Well, you look through the diary and by and large, the diary is pretty bland. It’s, you know, it’s neat penmanship, well-written, but there’s nothing really in the way of revelations, just in reminders like, “Clean windows. Pick up dress from the cleaners.” And a few notes about her work.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Come on, where’s the juicy stuff?
 
Father Grandfather:
Maybe it’s got something hidden inside of it.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Shut up, old man!
 
Father Grandfather:
People do that sometimes. I’m just saying.
 
Keeper:
Outside of that, though, one thing that you do see: looks like the corner of one of the pages has been ripped away.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
Like, completely missing?
 
Keeper:
Yeah.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
How recent?
 
Keeper:
It’s an older page. Probably about a third of the way through the diary.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
Are these pages dated?
 
Keeper:
Some of them are but it’s pretty sporadic. This is—this is not a—not a well-done diary. Not a lot of revelations in it.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
What is the color of the diary?
 
Deloras Delaney:
Sounds like a delightful read.
 
Keeper:
Yes. Yeah. This is a diary that would captivate a Ms. Delaney.
 
Deloras Delaney:
Yes.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Missing page a few months back…I point it out to Sam, thumb to the end—
 
[SFX: Pages turning.]
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
Anything revelatory at the end of it?
 
Keeper:
No. No.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
No—no—nothing hidden in the pages? I’m flapping it around.
 
Keeper:
No.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
The edge of a page when you first rip it—it’s got kind of, like, a little fray on it, but then over time it just kind of, like, falls. Does it have that fray on it?
 
Keeper:
It’s still got a little bit of the fray on it.
 
Sam Spade:
So she just ripped it. I’m going to look around for it here.
 
Keeper:
Okay.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I’ll head to—
 
Keeper:
Make a Spot Hidden?
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Yeah. 12.
 
Keeper:
Okay. So you go shaking everything down, basically. You’re looking through her whole place. You check—
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I hand the diary to Ms. Bland. To Delaney.
 
Keeper:
Okay.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
But a solid 11, which I like.
 
Keeper:
So as you hand off the diary—
 
Deloras Delaney:
Subtle wink.
 
Keeper:
—the two of you (Cyril and Sam) proceed to look over her apartment—
 
[SFX: Drawers open, wardrobe opens.]
 
Keeper:
—looking for anything you guys can find. And one thing you guys notice, searching pretty thoroughly through it—
 
[SFX: Closet door opens.]
 
Keeper:
—you guys find, in the pocket of one of the coats hanging in her closet, you find a piece that matches that torn-out chunk of the diary.
 
[SFX: Dramatic stinger.]
 
Keeper:
And it’s got an address on it: 89 North Sentinel Street, Apartment 5.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
The address I was given earlier—is that the same address?
 
Keeper:
No, no. The address you were given was for the police officer.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Yeah. I just wanted to make sure she wasn’t, like, you know, seeing him on the side, right?
 

Keeper:
No, this is—yeah, that’s police detective—or, sorry, Police Officer Hallicot.
 
Sam Spade:
Alright, so we got three places to go. Well, I—I think we should split up, gang. Are we all involved in this now? You guys? Because I got paid, but I’m not paying.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Well, you don’t want to involve me, so you’re going to try to ditch me.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Yeah, and I got, you know, we’re a team.
 
Sam Spade:
Yeah, he’s my partner.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Can I roll a Psychology check or something?
 
Keeper:
Well, I mean, you know, you’ve got a Persuade. I’m guessing it goes like this: you try to convince them that you could be really helpful and then eventually, they start to realize that if this is some kind of homicidal ritual murderer or cult, or whatever, or giant rogue bear or whatever, that you can perhaps tie it up while they find a way to deal with it. And by “tie it up:” catch knives, you know, whatever. Wrestle a bear.
 
Sam Spade:
You’re the magnet.
 
Keeper:
Yeah. There you go.
 
Father Grandfather:
The Lord is my shield, and I shall be yours.
 
Sam Spade:
Just don’t let him talk. Please.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
Yeah, I was just going—well, as far as Hank’s involvement, he’s like, kind of obviously disturbed that something that crazy happened and the cops are relying on average people, and you guys are taking the initiative. So he’s definitely just curious and wants to see it through to the end.
 
Sam Spade:
No.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
That’s the thing. He’s a twenty-year-old guy, he’s uneducated. So if the detective is, like—or the government agent was, like, “No,” then it’s like, Oh, okay, then.
 
Sam Spade:
Okay. Then I won’t say that.
 
Keeper:
Don’t forget that Hank Jr. is a certified goddamn hero.
 
Hank O’Brien, Jr. [Out of Character]:
That’s true!
 
Keeper:
He’s got a credit rating of seventy because he lifted that car off of that little kid once.
 
Sam Spade:
You’re in charge of the lunatic.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
I am like a local—
 
Sam Spade:
You’re dependable.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
I guess that would make me—I’d be, like, locally semi-famous, then?
 
Keeper:
Yeah, yeah.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
Okay.
 
Keeper:
You’re a farmhand. You could still get a mortgage.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
My credit rating’s 12.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
What’s Deloras thinking right about now?
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
Well, I’m just a woman, so probably not much! No, just kidding.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
You’re suddenly more attractive to me!
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Deloras Delaney:
No. I can probably help out in the, like, information department since I’ve read a lot of books about the mundane, so perhaps something about this will be mundane enough for me. I know a lot of shit.
 
Father Grandfather:
Got a mouth!
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
She’s got a mouth, that girl.
 
Father Grandfather:
And a nose. Two eyes.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Sam, I think you and I need to go to that morgue. Hank, why don’t you take Father Grandfather to the dump.
 
Sam Spade:
No.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Sam Spade:
No, no, no.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
Hanks says, I think I know what you’re saying. And that’s okay.
 
Father Grandfather:
If you guys are looking for the dump, you might want to go in the toilet right now.
 
Sam Spade:
I want to go to the crime scene.
 
Father Grandfather:
How about I go to the address and meet you all later?
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Hell, no!
 
Keeper:
You know what—
 
Father Grandfather:
How about you go to the dump, you go to do your thing, and I go to that torn-out piece of paper place and see what’s there?
 
Sam Spade:
If you let that crime scene stay any longer, we could miss tracks and everything else. We got to get there as quickly as possible.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Understood. I think that Deloras and I will—if you can stomach it, Deloras, we’ll swing—
 
Deloras Delaney:
I’ll do my best.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
—we’ll swing by the morgue and then we’ll look in on this other address here because I think that—that could definitely shed some light on—
 
Deloras Delaney:
It’s not that I can’t handle it; I just don’t like it.
 
Sam Spade:
The only thing we really need from the morgue is what organs were taken.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
That is exactly what I need to know. You got books?
 
Deloras Delaney:
I got—I’ve got so many books.
 
Keeper:
I’m sure you could talk to the—whoever the examiner—the medical examiner, whoever did it, is probably there at the morgue.
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
That’s fine. We’ll talk to them.
 
Sam Spade:
Didn’t somebody say something about witchcraft?
 
Deloras Delaney:
But I will bring reference material.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
You did mention something about there having been some kind of ritualistic killings in the past.
 
Sam Spade:
And then you brushed over that as being not—
 
Keeper:
Not related?
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Yeah, well, here’s the thing, Sam. See, I grew up in Albany, but my old grandmama, she—we grew up just outside of Baton Rouge, and she was a Creole woman. I’ve seen and heard a thing or two about some dark rituals and I—the prospect of missing organs, that’s—well, let’s just say it ain’t kosher.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Can I roll some sort of check to sneak out and get to that address they found while no one’s looking?
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
Oh, no!
 
Keeper:
Oh, they’re talking. You can just walk away.
 
Sam Spade:
Oh, I’m watching this guy out of the corner of my eye.
 
Keeper:
Okay. Yeah, go ahead and make a Sneak check, then, since—
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
I don’t even know what—
 
Keeper:
—Agent Spade is all over you.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Should just persuade him since I can’t fail Persuasion.
 
[Dice roll.]
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Nope!
 
Keeper:
Okay, so yeah, the Bible salesman, he’s kind of standing around. He grabs a pepper shaker off of the table and throws it at the ground and shouts out—
 
[SFX: Ceramic shatters.]
 
Keeper:
—“Smoke bomb!” and runs off.
 
Father Grandfather:
Smoke bomb!
 
[SFX: Door slams.}
 
Keeper:
I don’t know if you guys want to follow him or just—yeah. Let him sand crab away.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
I’m sprinting like a son of a gun!
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Well, Deloras—
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
My agility is up there!
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
—you ready to go?
 
Deloras Delaney:
I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.
 
Sam Spade:
Are you faster than I am? Because I don’t really feel like running.
 
Keeper:
Speed-wise, you guys are all pretty much the same speed. You guys all run human-speed.
 
Sam Spade:
He’s old.
 
Keeper:
Yeah. I mean—
 
Sam Spade:
You can last longer.
 
Keeper:
Constitution is kind of—
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
My Dex is 15. How is that—?
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
My Constitution’s 17.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
I thought if you’re older than forty, don’t you take negative penalties?
 
Keeper:
Oh, yeah. Yeah. He did. He took a mountain of them.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
I did. My variance is terrible.  
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
Damn, man.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
I took down my Constitution even more, too.
 
Keeper:
Yeah, he’s a freak. Like…
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
I just rolled random, Man, I don’t know—
 
Keeper:
Yeah, he did. He just—
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Over and over again!
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Hey, I’m missing some Hit Points because this jerk punched me in the face. I’m sprinting out of there.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
So what’s your Constitution?
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
My—? 18.
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
Oh, that’s good!
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
You can run him down!
 
Keeper:
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.


 

Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character - to Sam Spade]:
You just be like, “Hank, go get him!”
 
Sam Spade:
Go get him!
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
Alright, I’ll be like, Yeah. Yes, Sir!
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
He’s the most fit-looking guy in the room!
 
Keeper:
You just run after him. Yeah.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
I say, Yes, Sir! Should I roll my 100?
 
Keeper:
You don’t even need to. You’ve got—your Constitution’s higher than—
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
What?
 
Keeper:
You just run him down. It takes awhile because the old man is shockingly fast.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
I’m just going, Damn, this old man’s fast!
 
Keeper:
Like, he looks like a mile of bad road, but he runs like the dickens. And—
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Just like me!
 
Keeper:
Yeah.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Just like me, guys.
 
Keeper:
Where are you running?
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
I’m trying to get to the address that they found because no one’s going there.
 
Keeper:
Okay, so he’s like—
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
How would he—how would you have even seen that?
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
I was there when you found it.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
Yeah, but we didn’t show it to you.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
You guys read it out loud.
 
Cyril Bridgewater: [Out of Character]
Did we?
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
No, we didn’t.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
Why would we read it out loud?
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Damn it!
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
We would not read it out loud. It’s tucked in my notepad right now.
 
Keeper:
It’s possible you assumed that the address that they were talking about earlier is the address they were talking about later, which is the address to the cop—
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
Yeah, go knock on the cop’s door!
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
My guy’s—my guy’s on the way to the cop’s house!
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
I’ll look at Sam and be like, Should I—should I go—you know, like, stop him?
 
Sam Spade:
Just run after him.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
Give him a chase?
 
Sam Spade:
Just use your best judgement.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
Okay.
 
Sam Spade:
If he looks like a guy—
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Smoke bomb!
 
Sam Spade:
—that needs to hit the pavement hard, that’s your call.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
Okay.
 
Keeper:
So Hank Jr. gives chase. But keeps his distance, keeping his options open.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
Yeah, yeah. And if he’s running that fast after we turn a couple corners or whatever, I’m just going to let him go. Because I know it’s like—he—if he doesn’t—I don’t even know where he thinks he’s going, and he can’t possibly know about the address in the diary, and I’m just like, This guy. What am I doing?
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
I’m heading to an address. That’s all I know.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Okay.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
So I’ll make sure he’s gone, and I’m going to head back.
 
Sam Spade:
We got more interesting things to do.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
Yeah, yeah. Because I know there’s a murder that happened and we’re on our way to figure that out.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Before we slip out of Ma’s, if there’s a moment where no one’s watching me, I’m going to see what’s in her medicine cabinet.
 
[SFX: Medicine cabinet door slams.]
 
Keeper:
Okay. Looks like she has a freshly-provided bottle of pills.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I’m going to take a handful of those pills, put them in my pocket.
 
Keeper:
Okay.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
What kind of pills are they?
 
Keeper:
They—they appear to be some strong opiates.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Fantastic!
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Wish I took some of those before I sprinted.
 
Deloras Delaney:
Told you, Sam!
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
By the way, interesting observation: my Constitution is four.
 
Keeper:
Oh, wow! So those things hit you like a Mack truck, should you take one.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
Wait, wait, wait. When you said you “take them?” Do you mean you take them?
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I put them in my pocket.
 
Hank O’Brien, Jr. [Out of Character]:
I’m about to say… “I’ll just get a handful and then…”
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Constitution’s lower from all the smoking.
 
Keeper:
Yeah, when you’re taking numbers of pills equal to your Constitution, that’s bad.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
[Outro Music]
 
Narrator:
Join us next episode as our investigators hit the mean streets of Arkham to shed light on poor Hannah’s dismal demise.

Remember - to follow our future exploits, subscribe to our series via your favorite podcast player.
And to learn the latest on what our talented team of writers and performers are up to, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/OmniverseMedia. There you’ll find weekly updates on our productions and a bevvy of bonus content such as the exclusive podcast, Cthulhu Cthommentary, where our creative team dissects the details for every episode:

 

[SFX: Radio static]

Cap Blackard - Showrunner:
It’s kind of “what if Jell-o tentacle porn” is the soft implication in the Luscious Jelly Crystals commercial.

Colin Peterson - Sound Designer:
Wh- My question- Where do you come up with this stuff? Where does it come from?

Cap Blackard:
I borrow heavily from reality. There was a product from the 1930s - a brand of gelatin in an amazing polyhedral package...

 

[SFX: Radio static]

Narrator:
Folks, it’s officially the bewitching hour.
 
I hope your windows and doors are locked tight. But you know, sometimes even that’s not enough. Terror can always find you... in your dreams.
 
For the occasion, I’ve dusted off an old wax cylinder recording. Might’ve been one of the last ones made, in fact. And it’s quite unusual: cut from glow-in-the-dark wax, if you can believe it. Even with the lights on, it’s quite vivid: a rare and eerie recording for an equally rare and eerie night. This is Thomas Negovan performing, “Welcome to My Nightmare.”
 
Sweet dreams.
 
[Thomas Negovan: “Welcome to My Nightmare.]

Announcer:
Thanks for listening to The Call of Cthulhu Mystery Program!

If you enjoy our aural entertainment, please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or Podchaser and be sure to subscribe to our series via your favorite podcast player to get all the latest episodes.

Episode 2 - “A Murder Most Mysterious” - was written and performed by Luke Stram, Cap Blackard, Doug Banks, Kay, Brandon Gerson, and Ruel Knudson - and is based on the Call of Cthulhu module “Behold the Mother” from Dead Reckonings, published by Chaosium Incorporated. Additional performance by Jessica Uelmen.

The series is edited and produced by Colin Peterson and Cap Blackard and the original score is composed and performed by Ryan McQuinn and Mike McQuinn of Neon Dolphin - home for all your custom music needs and more. Neondolphinmusic.com.

For full episode credits, transcripts, as well as character sheets and other supplemental material - visit CthulhuMystery.com.

This program is made possible by the support of listeners like YOU. Join us at Patreon.com/OmniverseMedia

All characters appearing are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

 

This series is recorded and produced in Central Florida and Nashville, Tennessee on lands ruthlessly taken from their indiginous people: the Timucua and Seminole, and Yuchi, Shawnee, and Cherokee - respectively. To learn more about the first nations of the land where you live visit: native-land.ca

This has been The Call of Cthulhu Mystery Program… Goodnight

[Music fades]

[Omniverse Audio Brand]

 

Copyright © 2020 Omniverse Media
  • Patreon_Mark_Primary
  • Black Facebook Icon
  • Black Twitter Icon
  • Discord-Logo-Black