EPISODE 6: THE TRUTH'S SLIMY TRAIL

The renters at Big Mama's Boarding House have uncovered a dark secret. The young woman they knew as Hannah Pickering was but a mask worn by her true self: the debased and tormented Miriam Hetfield. Having read Miriam's haunting diary, Cyril and Deloras, along with the deranged Father Grandfather, return to the boarding house to share their grim discovery with Sam and Hank Jr.

 

It's now daybreak and the morning sun finds them considering the twisted past of their deceased friend, and the answers that may wait for them in her hometown – the backwater village of Dunwich. 

Content Warning: Gore, pet death, racial tension, racial slurs.

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Full Transcript Below

Original score composed and performed by Ryan and Mike McQuinn of Neon Dolphin Music Design

CREDITS:

Written & Performed by:
Luke Stram – The Keeper
Doug Banks | Cat Blackard | Brandon Gerson | Kay | Ruel Knudson

 

Sound Design: Colin Peterson

Editing: Colin Peterson & Cat Blackard

Story Editing: Cat Blackard

Cast:

Doug Banks as Hank O’Brien Jr.

Cat Blackard as Cyril Bridgewater

Brandon Gerson as Father Grandfather

Kay as Deloras Delaney

Ruel Knudson as Sam Spade

Cat Blackard as The Narrator/The Announcer


Musical Spotlight: "The Rake's Song" by Orlinda

Original Score: Ryan McQuinn and Mike McQuinn
Neon Dolphin - Bandcamp

Series I Album Art by Tony Baldini
 

SUPPLEMENTAL MATERIALS:

TRANSCRIPT:

[Omniverse Audio Brand]

Announcer:
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[Intro Music]
 
Gruff Voice:
Do you hear that?
 
[SFX: Echoing wail.]
 
Gruff Voice:
In the cruel blackness of night, an unknowable evil from beyond time cries out! What dark deeds unfold on the streets of Arkham? And which unwitting souls, innocent or impure, will succumb to the maddening call? The call…of Cthulhu!
 
Announcer:
Yuggoth Topical Powder brings you Part 6 of The Call of Cthulhu Mystery Program. Tonight’s strange story: “The Truth’s Slimy Trail.”
 
A night on the town can leave your jacket odiferous, and no matter your style or your charming smile, the dames will keep clear of you for a mile! So before you hit the town in your glad rags, be sure you pass the armhole odor inspection with Yuggoth Topical Powder.
 
Think you’re the cat’s meow? Your he-man aroma will only wow the ladies if it’s in moderation. Keep those bearcats purring instead of saying, “Pee-yew” by applying Yuggoth Topical Powder to your underarms.
 
Our unique formula eats away odor and seals up pores: the source of pungent perspiration. Save yourself the embarrassment of armhole odor and feel the power of Yuggoth Topical Powder, on sale at your local toilet goods counter.
 
Narrator:
The renters of Big Momma’s Boarding House have uncovered a dark secret. The young woman they knew as Hannah Pickering, the young woman who was brutally slain not a day prior, was but a mask worn by her true self: the tragic and tormented Miriam Hetfield. Having read Miriam’s haunting and unhinged diary, Cyril and Deloras, along with the deranged Father Grandfather, return to the boardinghouse to share their grim discovery with Sam and Hank Jr.
 
It’s now daybreak, and the morning sun finds them considering the twisted past of their deceased friend and the answers that may wait for them in her hometown, the backwater village of Dunwich.
 
[Music: Upbeat, swinging jazz tune plays on an old record player.]
 
[SFX: Birds twittering.]
 
Keeper:
The next day, April 16th, you guys wake up. The newspaper at the door.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [to Hank O’Brien Jr.]:
Can you read?
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
[SFX: Rustling of newspaper.]
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
Shh—shhhh—sho—shocking—
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character.]::
Take it away from him.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Let me take a look at that.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
Alright.
 
[SFX: Newspaper rustling.]
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Whoa! Hey, hey, gather round, folks.
 
“A Shocking Development in the Pickering Case: The postmortem conducted last night upon the body of Hannah Pickering, whose body was found outside the town beside North Garrison Street, has revealed the young woman was with child at the time of her death.”
 
[SFX: Dramatic stinger.]
 
Points to Sam...
 
“The unborn child appears to have been removed from the body, along with certain other generative organs. Police believe the killer removed these organs, and have intensified their search for the perpetrator of such a horrendous crime.
 
According to the chief investigator, Detective Sergeant Maxwell Sweeney, the police expect to bring the killer to justice soon. The authorities are currently looking for the man responsible for the girl’s delicate condition, as they suspect this person killed the girl rather than marry her.
 
Meanwhile, young women are urged to avoid the streets after dark and report any strangers exhibiting unusual behavior to the police. Arkham cannot rest until the monster responsible for this beastly crime blah blah blah blah.”
 
Well, looks like we’re still two steps ahead in this. No developments.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character.]:
I’m assuming you told Sam and Hank about the journal and everything else that you found?
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character.]:
Yeah, we showed him the journal. You can even read the journal if you want to take a Sanity loss.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character.]:
No, no I’ll take your word for it.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character.]:
I’ll read it!
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character.]:
Did you take the journal? You took it with you?
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character.]:
Oh, yeah!
 
Keeper:
So roll your Sanity.
 
[Dice roll.]
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character.]:
Oh, you couldn’t get better than that. 1.
 
Keeper:
Okay, so yeah, you don’t lose any Sanity, unlike the other people—
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character.]:
I’ve read worse.
 
Keeper:
—that have slowly ticked down.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I say to Ma, Hey, Ma, you ever hear the name “Miriam Hetfield?”
 
Ma:
No, I’m afraid not.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I show her the picture of Hannah. You recognize this other woman here?
 
Ma:
Is that Hannah’s mother or something?
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I was hoping you could tell me.
 
Ma:
I don’t know anything. Doesn’t look familiar. I mean, she never really talked about her family much.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Yeah, something like that. Well, thank you.
 
Ma:
No problem. Would you like some cookies?
 
[SFX: Ceramic plate clatters.]
 
Ma:
They’re delicious.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Oh, I’m full up, Ma.
 
Ma:
Oh, okay.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Full to the brim. Thank you kindly.
 
Ma:
I’ll save them for later.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Yeah.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
So while they’re talking, Hank is going to bring down his bolt action rifle downstairs and start cleaning it.
 
Sam Spade:
Oh wait, you have a weapon that belongs to me?
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
That’s right! I hand him back the .38.
 
Sam Spade:
Barrel down! Okay, thank you. Gently.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Relax! It ain’t cocked.
 
Sam Spade [to Deloras]:
Okay, so you’re going to the library?
 
Keeper:
Okay.
 
Deloras Delaney:
I’ll look up information about Dunwich and stuff—
 
Keeper:
Are you going to have them drop you off and then take your car out to Dunwich? Because—
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character.]:
No.
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character.]:
No. They’re not driving Lola.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character.]:
No, I’m not going to Dunwich until she’s—
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character.]:
How far is it?
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
—she’s gotten some information about—
 
Keeper:
Pretty far. It’s hours.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character.]:
Yeah.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character.]:
Can’t run there.
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character.]:
So I would’ve gone there, like, whenever—like, as soon as it opens, I would’ve been there.
 
Keeper:
Okay.
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character.]:
So while they’re cleaning—he’s cleaning his bolt action rifle—
 
Keeper: Okay.
 
[SFX: Car doors slam.]
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character.]:
—and they’re doing their morning stuff I would’ve already headed out there and then got what I needed.
 
Sam Spade:
I’m going to visit Sweeney.
 
[SFX: Car engine starts.]
 
Keeper:
So you drive off to the library. Are you going to drop Agent Spade off at the police station so he can talk to Detective Sweeney?
 
Deloras Delany [Out of Character.]:
Yeah, I’ll drop him off.
 
Sam Spade:
Anybody else coming with?
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Yeah, sure.
 
Keeper:
Okay.
 
Sam Spade:
Oh, great, now I got street cred.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
I’m going to call a cab.
 
Keeper:
Where you taking the cab to?
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I know! Now I can sing the blues!
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Dunwich.
 
Keeper:
You’re going to take a cab out to Dunwich?
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Yeah.
 
[SFX: Car tires crunching gravel.]
 
Keeper:
When they quote you a price, you look over your money and this is the last of your money. All of your—all of your current expendable cash is going into this cab ride.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Oh, well, you’re supposed to give the money when you get out of the cab, right? At the end?
 
Keeper:
That’s—
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
I think I’ll be good.
 
Keeper:
Okay.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Money’s no object to me.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
Sinner!
 
Keeper:
Because basically they quote you the price and then—
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
The Lord—money’s no object—
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character - as Father Grandfather]:
“No, no, Sir. I don’t have to pay you because money’s no object.”
 
Father Grandfather:
The Lord—the Lord will provide for me. I help those who help themselves.
 
Sam Spade:
Before—
 
Keeper:
Okay.
 
Sam Spade:
—I go ahead and tell the cabbie, you know, If you just drive him around town a few times, and then drop him off at the dump in about an hour, I’ll double whatever he’s paying you.
 
Cabbie:
That’s against the cabbie’s code, my friend. We cabbies—
 
Sam Spade:
You have a fucking code?
 
Cabbie:
—we take—we take our occupation very seriously.
 
Sam Spade:
Okay. Well, you’re going to regret that decision. I promise you. Just—you are not interested in looking at any of his Bibles!
 
Cabbie:
I regret—
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.[Out of Character]:
By the way, what’s double of nothing?
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Shhhh!
 
Cabbie:
I regret—
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Cabbie:
—I regret many decisions, my friend. First of all was becoming a cabbie. But now that I am one, there’s a code to follow.
 
Sam Spade:
Do not—do not look at his Bibles. You don’t want a Bible. You’ve got three at home.
 
Cabbie:
Even God can’t save me now.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Sam Spade:
I just threw him money. Just go!
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
I think he just found the killer!
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
It was the cab driver all along.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr [Out of Character].:
That’s why there’s no footprints. He drove over!
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Who would suspect a cab?
 
Keeper:
So the cabbie drives off.
 
[SFX: Tires squealing.]
 
[SFX: Car engine idling.]
 
Keeper:
So I guess first we will deal with—Agent Spade gets dropped off at the police department to speak to Sweeney.
 
[SFX: Door opens.]
 
Keeper:
You go in, you’re like, “I’m here to speak to Sweeney.”
 
[SFX: Police radio chatter.]
 
[SFX: Typewriter.]
 
Keeper:
And they shuffle you back to his office. When you arrive in his office to speak with him, Agent Sweeney, by and large: lean, wiry-looking guy. He’s got a big shrapnel wound running across the side of his face. Kind of gives him a grizzled, dashing mystique. By and large, he’s got his hair cut short to his scalp, big-ass ears, and his eyes are just staring at you: cold and angry-looking.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
I like your description. “Big-ass ears.” “You got big-ass ears!”
 
Sam Spade:
First of all, I’m going to explain to him how I got involved in the case.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
And I’m going to lean on the back, looking semi-intimidating if that helps.

 

Sam Spade:
And then I want to know why—
 
Detective Sweeney:
Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. So you’re saying that Hardin chump paid you money to shit on my case? Why don’t you get the hell out of my office?
 
Sam Spade:
Because I—
 
Detective Sweeney:
And tell Hardin that he can eat that money. I don’t care. This is my case.
 
Sam Spade:
Of course it is. That’s why I came to you. Don’t you think that that would be a nice sign of good faith? He told me—or, I figured out that you were the actual person on the case yesterday. Remember, I gave you a phone call before the paper came out today.
 
Detective Sweeney:
Yeah, okay, so…
 
Sam Spade:
So I’m not coming clean. I came to you to tell you what was going on.
 
Detective Sweeney:
So what’s going on, then?
 
Sam Spade:
Your guy here’s trying to muscle in on your case. Why is he trying to do that? Why—? I’ve got a personal, vested interest in this. Me and my partner here, we’re just—
 
Detective Sweeney:
Listen, he’s just a mess. Hardin thinks—he thinks he’s this town’s protector. He doesn’t understand how things get done. If you let yourself get all emotional or broken-up about things like that, that just gets more people dead. Yeah, some girl died. It’s sad. It’s terrible. But you know what? If we don’t do anything, more people are going to die, more girls are going to get mutilated, whatever.
 
Sam Spade:
So you think it’s a—you think there’s actually a killer.
 
Detective Sweeney:
’Course there is.
 
Sam Spade:
What evidence do you have that there’s a killer? Because everything—every bit of evidence we can find shows that there was no human being—
 
Detective Sweeney:
Listen—
 
Sam Spade:
—that was involved in this.
 
Detective Sweeney:
—nobody chops out somebody’s baby-maker if it’s not for a reason. And if it was an animal, she would’ve been a lot more torn-up than she was, and there would’ve been animal tracks. There weren’t—there was nothing like that.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Yeah, you ever hear the name Miriam Hetfield?
 
Detective Sweeney:
No.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
It may do you some good to look into that name.
 
Detective Sweeney:
What does that mean?
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
Slip him the diary across the desk.  
 
Sam Spade:
Yeah, slip him the diary across—and what would you know about that town? Dunwich? Dunwich.
 
Detective Sweeney:
Dunwich?
 
Sam Spade:
Yeah.
 
Detective Sweeney:
Town—I don’t know. It’s some farmer backwater burg. So what the hell’s this diary? Who—?
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
This is the diary of Hannah Pickering who was also Miriam Hetfield, known very well in the French Hills. You know, if you want to see a girl for a good time, you might want to call up Miriam.
 
Detective Sweeney:
Where did this come from?
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
It came from—
 
Sam Spade:
Damn fine police work.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Yeah. That’s where it came from.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Detective Sweeney:
That’s funny because I don’t notice either of you having an Arkham Police Department badge.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Well, hey, it ain’t illegal to ask questions, is it?
 
Detective Sweeney:
Well—
 
Sam Spade:
And not to mention—
 
Detective Sweeney:
—what am I going to do with this now? From what I hear, the crime scene has been disturbed by two people that are impeding an active murder investigation.
 
Sam Spade:
Detective? We were under the impression that we were actually acting within this department’s interests. We thought we were being employed by this department. We were misled. The only crime here was a crime of ignorance.
 
Detective Sweeney:
Oh, listen, I’m going to Nichols and I’m going to get—I’m going to get him busted back to Private so fast. Hardin, he’s done.
 
Sam Spade:
Excellent. Well, I’m glad, because I mean, that was ruthless what he did to you, honestly. But this is good evidence. We’re turning over our—what we found to you out of good faith.
 
Detective Sweeney:
Excellent. Now don’t touch anything else because—
 
Sam Spade:
Absolutely.
 
Detective Sweeney:
—you guys are going—you guys are going to shit this up worse than it’s already been done.
 
Sam Spade:
You’re right. Good.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
“Shit this up!”
 
Detective Sweeney:
I mean, what is this? This is a diary. I don’t even know where this came from.
 
Sam Spade:
Let us—look, my name is Sam Spade. I’m an agent with —or, I was an agent with the Bureau, okay? I was just recently discharged. We observed all best practices involving our investigation of this case. We proceed to tell him everything that we just went through. My credit rating is a 35.
 
Keeper:
Roll it.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Son of a—! You’re going to make me roll it instead of Persuasion?
 
Keeper:
Nope.
 
[Dice roll.]
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
55.
 
Keeper:
Okay. So he says:
 
Detective Sweeney:
Stay here, you two, I’ll be right back.
 
Keeper:
He goes away for about ten minutes.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
You know, Sam, I’m pretty nervous about this. This is weird.
 
Keeper:
Yeah, so you guys are left sitting in his office for awhile. I don’t know if you guys are just going to cool your heels until he shows up again?
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Oh, no, no, no. I’m looking at the desk. I’m not touching anything—
 
Keeper:
Okay.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
—I’m just looking at anything that was left behind.
 
Keeper:
Well, I mean, by and large it’s not really any skill you need to roll for because the desk is right there. Basically, yeah, he’s definitely on the “some angry father,” although there’s a lot of question marks around the “who-is-the-father” thing. “Chopped out the baby and left her there to die on the side of the road,” but there’s a lot of question marks in his case and he’s still trying to figure it out. Make a Law roll.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
60. Right at it!
 
Keeper:
Okay. From the way this guy is talking, you’re pretty sure if you push it much, he’s going to start probably pressing formal charges against you guys for interfering.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Yeah, he’s already looking into doing that now once he gets my record.
 
Keeper:
Yeah.
 
Sam Spade [to Cyril]:
Well, if we leave now, they’re going to put out a call for us so if you want to go, I can stay here and take the heat for this.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Why don’t we just cool our heels, let Deloras do her thing, then we’ll hit the bricks.
 
Sam Spade:
You’re not carrying any weapons or anything are you?
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
...I got a knife in my shoe.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character - as Cyril Bridgewater]:
“I got a knife in my shoe!”
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
You’re a black man in 1928 walking into a police station carrying a knife.
 
Sam Spade:
In your shoe.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
In your shoe.
 
Sam Spade:
In your shoe!
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
It was discreet!
 
Sam Spade:
No. Just—give it—I gave you my gun yesterday. There’s a certain level of trust that’s established here.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I—I—I’m resistant. It’s not about you, Sam, it’s just about the whole damn thing.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Keeper:
So as you guys are bickering, you guys hear the door swing open—
 
[SFX: Door opens.]
 
Keeper:
—and the detective comes in. He says:
 
Detective Sweeney:
Okay, listen, I don’t know what your guys’ game is, but stay away from the investigation whether you think you’re with Hardin, or better than Hardin, or here to help us, we don’t need your help—
 
Sam Spade:
You’re right.
 
Detective Sweeney:
—that’s what we’re here for. We’re police officers—
 
Sam Spade:
Absolutely.
 
Detective Sweeney:
—everything’s good. We’re going to catch this guy and we’re going to catch him soon, as soon as we figure out who the father is.
 
Sam Spade:
I think it’s a great plan. We’re going to leave you alone to do your work. I just wanted to come clean.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Toodle-ooo.
 
Sam Spade:
Walk out, hand him his knife back.
 
Keeper:
What are you two—what’s everybody else going to be doing? I mean…
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
I’m calling City Hall.
 
Keeper:
Okay.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Why?
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
Really, I’m pushing for us to, you know, if we’re really going to see this through, we’re going to take a look at anything, we need to head to Dunwich, and we need to head there soon, so I’m all about—
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
Fast forward?
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
All I’m doing is trying to find out—I’m calling City—the hall of records. I want to get the—
 
Keeper:
Okay.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
—where the father lives. Her actual parents.
 
Keeper:
Okay. Well, you speak to a delightful lady named Ms. Red Herring who tells you that she wasn’t able to find any detailed information for that.
 
Sam Spade  [Out of Character]:
Son of a bitch! Where the fuck are we supposed to go in this town?
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
Dun—we’re not supposed to go anywhere in this town. We’re supposed to go to Dunwich.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
That’s what I’m saying! In Dunwich.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
It’s a small town. It’s—we’ll go there, we’ll flash the photo around. Someone’s going to say, “Oh!”
 
Keeper:
Oh, you’re calling Dunwich City Hall?
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Yeah!
 
Keeper:
You spend awhile calling around and you find out that there is no city hall. However, they do have a delightful general store—
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Bingo!
 
Keeper:
—which contains—
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
“Bingo!”
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
That’s all we—
 
Keeper:
—several objects that you can purchase if you wanted to purchase said objects. Like farm implements or food!
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
Such as pickled red herring?
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
But in the library, see what Deloras knows already, if anything, and then just decides, you know, let’s pull up roots, let’s head out there, see what’s up.
 
[Music: Wistful horn melody.]
 
Keeper:
What are you looking for? With your—in the library?
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
I would look up any information on Dunwich.
 
Keeper:
Okay.

 

Keeper:
Okay. Well, you’re going to send the majority of the day doing this because that’s kind of how Library Use works. It’s a really long-term thing.
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
Yes.
 
Keeper:
Well, in your few hours of searching, Dunwich is a miserable shithole full of decrepit people, and decrepit buildings, and decrepit farms.
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
Sounds boring as shit, right up my alley!
 
Keeper:
The one thing about it is it’s got rumors of witchcraft and things like that that kind of swirl around the town, but by and large, you know, it’s mostly just that. Like, supposedly—
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
Rumors?
 
Keeper:
—there’s spooky people, although there are ancient Indian burial grounds, things like that that are out there. But, you know, they’re all over the place in the New England area. You know, basically, just raised hills. Things like that that are, you know, burial sites. Some of them in Dunwich are marked with standing stones.
 
Deloras Delaney:
Awesome, thank you, books!
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
It’s, what, maybe noon? Maybe—
 
Keeper:
Yeah.
 
Deloras Delaney:
That’s—
 
Sam Spade:
That’s still plenty of time to get there by dark.
 
Deloras Delaney:
We’ll find a nice inn.
 
Sam Spade:
There’s a general store.
 
Deloras Delaney:
We’ll find a nice general store.
 
Keeper:
Okay so, basically, around after noon or so, you guys—you guys are getting ready to head out there.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Gonna find me a trombone player! Diamond in the rough!
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
Are you going to swing by the—
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Cyril Bridgewater and His Diamonds! Pick up some dancing girls…
 
Keeper:
As you’re getting ready to leave the library, somebody comes in, drops off the afternoon edition of The Arkham Gazette. You see on the front page a name that catches your eye.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
“Investigation Blown by Out-of-Towners!”
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Deloras Delaney:
Dunwich is peppered in here pretty well:
 
“Citizens in the village of Dunwich, located near the head of the Miskatonic River, have reported an epidemic of missing pets and livestock over the last twenty-four hours. Locals began to suspect a wild animal when a horse belonging to the Horn family was discovered strangely desiccated and partly eaten.
 
Dunwich authorities are planning a hunting expedition into the hills above Dunwich. Long-time residents of the Miskatonic Valley may recall reports of unexplained activity in those hills in both 1907 and 1912.”
 
Sam Spade:
We’re going to go to hills!
 
Deloras Delaney:
Well, I’ve just been reading about the hills and how they’re alive with the sound of witchcraft.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr [Out of Character]:
You guys going to swing by Ma’s place and pick up good old Hank?
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Oh, yeah!
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
Oh, yeah! Sorry, Hank.
 
Keeper:
So you guys round up everybody—
 
[SFX: Car starting.]
 
Keeper:
—head out there.
 
[Music: Strumming of a guitar.]
 
Keeper:
Long in advance of you—Father, you’ve gone out there. You’ve pulled—you’ve pulled up in front of Osborne’s General Store. You can tell it’s that because that’s what the sign says.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
That’s what it says.
 
Keeper:
And this seems to be the hopping-est place in town inasmuch as there are two shirtless people playing what looks like checkers. Someone else is strumming a banjo.
 
Father Grandfather:
I’m actually going to pay the cab driver—
 
Keeper:
Okay.
 
Father Grandfather:
—the rest of my money and then I’m going to walk into the general store.
 
[SFX: Bell tinkles overhead.]
 
Keeper:
Okay.
 
Father Grandfather:
—and I’m going to find the clerk or whoever’s running the store.
 
Osborne, The Clerk::
How can I help you there, Son?
 
Father Grandfather:
Well, hi, Sir. I’m a simple Bible salesman, and I noticed you don’t have a church around here, and I was just wondering where one might find the greatest den of sin and debauchery around these parts?
 
Osborne, The Clerk::
I’d say probably Kingsport would have that.
 
Father Grandfather:
Kingsport? Where’s that? Is that around here?
 
Osborne, The Clerk::
Yeah it’s many miles up the road on the coast.
 
Father Grandfather:
Why’s it a den of sin and debauchery? What goes on around there?
 
Osborne, The Clerk::
You know, just a big town full of—oh, not—it’s not around here. It’s far away.
 
Father Grandfather:
Oh.
 
Osborne, The Clerk::
You know, crazy people.
 
Father Grandfather:
What goes on around this town?
 
Osborne, The Clerk::
Mostly people farm, buy things from my shop.
 
Father Grandfather:
You ever heard the name Hannah? Hannah Montana? Whatever her name is?
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Osborne, The Clerk::
Hannah.
 
Father Grandfather:
Girl walks kind of with a limp, maybe kind of preggers sometimes.
 
Osborne, The Clerk::
Preggers? No.
 
Father Grandfather:
Bursting at the seams, so to speak?
 
Osborne, The Clerk::
There are pregnant women around all the time, you know? But no—
 
Father Grandfather:
Any girls been fucked by the devil lately what forth going to have a demonspawn child spew out all over the earth to cause the apocalypse?
 
Keeper:
One of the shirtless guys goes:
 
Shirtless guy:
Oh, you mean that Whateley lady!
 
[SFX: Dramatic stinger.]
 
Shirtless guy:
No, man, she’s been dead for years.
 
Father Grandfather:
Whateley lady? What’s that?
 
Shirtless guy:
Whateley family. They fuck everything that’s a devil.
 
Father Grandfather:
Whateley family?
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
Say what you will about—
 
Shirtless Guy:
They fuck devils with devils for penises.
 
Father Grandfather:
Could you tell me—could you point me the right direction of the house so I may sell them a Bible?
 
Shirtless Guy:
Oh, there’s no house anymore. That got burned down.
 
Father Grandfather:
Burned down?
 
Shirtless Guy:
Yeah.
 
Father Grandfather:
Well, how far away is it from here?
 
Shirtless Guy:
Not far, not far. I mean, if you want to go piss on the ashes or something, you’re certainly welcome to but, I mean, ain’t nobody been there for years.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
Say what you will about the man, but Goddamnit, he gets results.
 
Keeper:
Long story short, you engage in ridiculous hellfire banter with a bunch of redneck, inbred hillbillies.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
What the fuck am I doing? I’m trying to find out where to go. I can’t do it.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
I believe you’re winning.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
You’re a couple steps ahead of us. Like, you’ve got something going on.
 
Keeper:
Basically, they’re telling you about all kinds of crazy shit—
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
I got 99 Persuasion, so.
 
Keeper:
—and dead pets and everything that just started happening and then, like, you kind of mention some stuff and they go, like:
 
Townsperson:
Oh, you are talking about the Hetfield girl!
 
[SFX: Dramatic stinger.]
 
Townsperson:
Hillary’s daughter.
 
Father Grandfather:
Yeah. That—yeah, Hillary and I go way back. What happened to her?
 
Townsperson:
She is a crazy bat, my friend.
 
Father Grandfather:
Where’s she hang right now? Where’s she—where’s she stay?
 
Townsperson:
She lives up the road a piece. If you want to get out there, we can, you know, I can give you the directions but—
 
Father Grandfather:
Well, why not? How far away is it?
 
Townsperson:
Not too far. Maybe an hour walk but, you know, whatever.
 
[SFX: Car engine.]
 
Father Grandfather:
Want to show me? We’ll go together. I’ll sell you a Bible.
 
Keeper:
As you guys are talking, a car pulls up and the rest of the crew piles out.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Man, them bitches got here fast. Shit.
 
Keeper:
You’ve been talking with these guys for awhile.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Damn. Hellfire.
 
[SFX: Car door slams shut.]
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
And we weren’t being brought by cab. We were driving…fast!
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
Because we knew—
 
Keeper:
And on top of that—
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
You should’ve seen me standing there and been, like, “Oh, I know where the lady’s—”
 
Sam Spade:
Son of a bitch.
 
Father Grandfather:
I know where her mom is. Let’s go.
 
Keeper:
Yeah, yeah. I mean, he’s basically giving you the directions as they show up. And then kind of separately another—a small Model T rolls up—
 
[SFX: Tires crunching on gravel. Brakes squeal.]
 
Keeper:
—with U.S. Postal Service insignia on it and you—
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Tommy gun it!
 
Keeper:
—you guys see—
 
Father Grandfather:
Oh, shit!
 
Keeper:
—the mailman with something that looks like an animal run across one of his shoulders and you kind of—walks it inside—
 
[SFX: Bell tinkles overhead.]
 
Keeper:
—and all of the bumpkins perk up, and they’re, like, “Oh, man! What do you got there?” And he kind of comes inside and just drops it down on the counter where Osborne is visibly—Osborne, the owner, is visibly upset by this. Says:
 
Osborne, The Clerk:
What the hell did you bring now, Pritchett?
 
Keeper:
And they’re looking it over and it looks like it’s a dog. More or less, but it’s been pretty horribly withered and drained. Who’s going in to take a look at this thing?
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
I ain’t—I tell you what—
 
Sam Spade:
Alright, I’ll go look.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
—backwater town like this, I’m sticking with the group, but I’m not leading. Just letting it happen.

Sam Spade:
I’m telling him he should go check out the back of the post officer’s car for—
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
My morbid curiosity is piqued.
 
Sam Spade:
—weapons.
 
Keeper: Okay. So—
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Sure, I’ll poke around. Whatever.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Keeper:
Deloras, you check out the—
 
[SFX: Bell tinkles overhead.]
 
Keeper:
—you check out the corpse. Roll Sanity.
 
[Dice roll.]
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Yeah, I was with her, so.
 
Keeper:
Okay, yeah, roll as well.
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
71.
 
Keeper:
Fail?
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
21.
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
I have 75.
 
Keeper:
Okay, so you guys both pass. You’re fine. It’s nasty, but not unsettling. This thing is horribly withered, drained-out. Chunks of its flesh and hide look like they’re kind of collapsed and crumbling in while there are just nasty, ragged bite marks taken from it elsewhere. Pritchett the mailman is like:
 
Cap Pritchett:
Goddamnit! This is, like, the seventh one I’ve found today! Osborne, what the hell am I going to do?
 
Keeper:
And then Osborne just says:
 
Osborne, The Clerk:
I don’t know. You’re going to get it out of my—get it out of my store. I don’t care. Just get it out of my store.
 
Sam Spade:
Where’d you find him?
 
Keeper:
Pritchett kind of looks down at the thing and says:
 
Cap Pritchett:
Oh, I found it up aways a piece. Hutchins Road. Think it might’ve been the Horn family’s.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character:
And that looks like the—
 
Keeper:
You recognize Hutchins Road is—that’s the directions they gave you to the house.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
And this is the same sort of—? [Growls.]
 
Keeper:
Nope. Not at all.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
No.
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
Like—
 
Keeper:
This looks like it was bitten, definitely by an animal.
 
Deloras Delaney [Out of Character]:
—chupacabras.
 
Keeper:
Big chunks of it elsewhere are just, like, withered and crumbling.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Okay.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
I’m going to—do I find anything like a Tommy Gun—
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Who would guess the postal service…?
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
—in the Postal Service…like, this crazy Federale?
 
Keeper:
No, you do not.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Well, I come in—
 
[SFX: Bell tinkles overhead.]
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
—whistling with my good pal Hank Jr.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
I was, like, yeah, before we head in there, when you’re checking out the postal truck, Hank’s going to go to the back of the car, open the trunk—
 
[SFX: Trunk opens.]
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
—get the rifle out, sling it on his shoulder, and put the ax—his wood ax—in the backseat, and he’s going to follow you into the general store—
 
[SFX: Bell tinkles overhead.]
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
—and look and see if they have any bullets for sale that would match the caliber of my—of my—
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
We have pipe bombs!
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
I have a question.
 
Keeper:
Osborne says:
 
Osborne, The Clerk:
Plinking bullets right up there. And—
 
[SFX: Boxed ammunition rattles.]
 
Hank O’Brien Jr.:
I will grab some.
 
Keeper:
—you buy yourself a box full of them.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
Yes.
 
Keeper:
So you got fifty shots.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
When the postal guy walks in, does he leave the keys in his vehicle?
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Aw, fuck.
 
Keeper:
Yes, he does.
 
[SFX: Bell tinkles overhead.]
 
Father Grandfather:
I hop in and I—I go, and I hop in as fast as I can, drive down to that Hutchins Road. To that address they gave me.
 
Sam Spade:
Alright. We gotta go! We gotta go! We gotta go!
 
Keeper:
So yeah, he goes—sneaks out as everybody else is—
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
Am I not going to see him doing that?
 
Keeper:
Yeah, you see him creeping out and as he’s getting into the mail—into the mail truck—
 
Father Grandfather:
It’s for the Lord!
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I pull him out of the mail truck.
 
Father Grandfather:
You’re just hindering things!
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Where you going, old man?
 
Keeper:
Cyril’s trying to stop you.
 
Father Grandfather [Out of Character]:
Well, I’m going to Persuade him by telling him I found the old biddy’s mother. I’m going there now. She’s still alive. She knows more than we do.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
But whose mother? Who you—who’d you talk to? Who you talking to?
 
Father Grandfather:
That girl that got knocked-up with the evil inside of her.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Yeah?
 
Father Grandfather:
The evil—
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
You don’t say. Where’s she—where is she at?
 
Father Grandfather:
The seeded one. I don’t know. It’s in my brainpan somewhere, but I picture the road, I know where I’m going. You’d best hop in. Postal worker’s going to come out any minute. I need to hit the pedal to the metal!
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Fuck it.
 
Father Grandfather:
I got a lead foot and my driving ain’t so great, being an old man with Parkinson’s but this will be great.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
I’m not hanging around your stolen car. You just—go. Fine. I’ve had it with you!
 
Father Grandfather:
It’s the Postal Service. They’re to serve us from the government and I need it right now to service the Lord.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [shouting to Pritchett]:
This crazy, old man is stealing your car!
 
Father Grandfather:
I’m trying to hit the pedal. I’m trying to hit the gas pedal.
 
Keeper:
Okay. Yeah, you start up the car—
 
[SFX: Car engine starts.]
 
Keeper:
—and drive off.
 
[SFX: Tires screech.]
 
Keeper:
Meanwhile, one of the shirtless bumpkins—
 
[SFX: Bell tinkles overhead.]
 
Keeper:
—comes out and he’s like:
 
Shirtless Guy:
Oh, did what happen I think just happen?
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Yeah, that crazy old man stole this postal vehicle.
 
Keeper:
Yeah, bumpkin ducks his head back inside and, you know, says:
 
[SFX: Bell tinkles overhead.]
 
Shirtless Guy:
Hey, Cap? That preacher man just stole your car. I think he might be going up to the Hetfield place with it. Don’t ask me why.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Whoa, did you say “Hetfield?”
 
Shirtless Guy:
Yeah, yeah. We’ve been talking with him about it all day now.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
They are under investigation. We’re with the Arkham Police Department and—
 
Shirtless Guy:
You’re a long way from Arkham, boy.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Well, it’s—
 
Sam Spade:
They’re working with me. I’m a federal agent.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Ain’t every day you see a murder.
 
Shirtless Guy:
Oh, I see! Well, that is a tragedy.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
So if you can give us the directions, we’ll—we’ll be on our way.
 
Shirtless Guy:
Yeah, yeah, sure enough. Hang on. Let me just write it down. Or, just draw it out. Wait, I drew it on my hand. Let me see your hand. Okay here we go.
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Shirtless Guy:
You see, take a left here, take a right—okay, then you turn and then—now, you don’t want to keep going. If you go too far, you’re going to end up hitting the wrong—wrong set of farms and you don’t want to do that because if you go too far which is Holloway House, you don’t even want to bother there. If you drive past a house with a bunch of, you know, them crazy hex symbols on it, you’re on the right way.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Alright. Sure thing. Crazy hex symbols…
 
Shirtless Guy:
Yeah, the Bensons, they like to keep away the evil. You know what I mean.
 
Cyril Bridgewater:
Yes, I do!  Deloras, let’s get in the car.
 
[SFX: Car door opens.]
 
Deloras Delaney:
Two steps ahead of you! Tallyho!
 
Keeper:
Meanwhile, Cap, the mailman kind of comes out and goes:
 
[SFX: Bell tinkles overhead.]
 
Cap Pritchett:
Goddamnit. Not again!
 
[Cast laughs.]
 
Cap Pritchett:
Osborne, I need to use your phone.
 
Keeper:
And you guys hop in the car and go chasing after him.
 
Sam Spade [Out of Character]:
Yeah.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
Yeah.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
Provided he’s going the right way. Because it’s all up in his brainpan.
 
Hank O’Brien Jr. [Out of Character]:
Yeah, we’re going in the right direction.
 
Cyril Bridgewater [Out of Character]:
On his mind streets.
 
Keeper:
He is on fire for the Lord!
 
[Outro Music: Peppy horn and bass vamp.]
 
Narrator:
And so our ramshackle assemblage of investigators race towards an uncertain future in an unfamiliar town. If you’d care to explore further points of interest in the sleepy and exsanguinated town of Dunwich, let Keeper Luke Stram be your guide! In our Patreon-exclusive podcast, Cthulhu Cthommentary, we always explore the roads not travelled…
 
[SFX: Radio static]
 
Luke Stram - Keeper:
The other big place in the village that the group could’ve potentially gone out to is Allen Mountain. If people hang out on the mountain there’s the standing stones up at the top of it.
 
Cat Blackard - Showrunner:
Is it possible to have… unholy congress with… some kind of demonic beast?
 
Colin Peterson - Sound Designer:
Ooh…
 
Luke Stram:
[Exhausted sigh] I mean- this is- that’s something where… kinda like the cave in Empire Strikes Back, you only go up that mountain with what you bring with you. So…
 
Cat Blackard:
[Laughs]
 
Luke Stram:
-Probably not. But again, you know, some investigator squads may have been running for a long while and maybe carrying their own mythos baggage and be like, “Aw! Standing stones on top of a mountain?! Guys, hang out here. I’m gonna go summon some backup. What could go wrong?”
 
Cat Blackard:
Boy howdy.
 
Luke Stram:
[Laughs]
 
Colin Peterson:
Wow…
 
[SFX: Radio static]

You can find Cthulhu Cthommentary alongside other Patreon-exclusive series, outtakes, soundtracks, and much more, at Patreon.com/OmniverseMedia.
 
Now, if this episode wasn’t enough to wire your nerves tight, then perhaps this song will do the trick. Introducing a group out of Nashville called Orlinda. And in the great hillbilly tradition, these mountain folk have spun quite a yarn. In fact, they claim this to be a true story, a cautionary tale of the evil that men do. And the darkness, perhaps demonic, that can inhabit a man’s soul. This is “The Rake’s Song.”
 
[Orlinda: “The Rake’s Song.]
 
Announcer:
Thanks for listening to The Call of Cthulhu Mystery Program!

Please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or Podchaser and be sure to subscribe to our series via your favorite podcast player to get all the latest episodes.

Episode 6: “The Truth’s Slimy Trail” - was written and performed by Luke Stram, Cat Blackard, Doug Banks, Kay, Brandon Gerson, and Ruel Knudson - and is based on the Call of Cthulhu module “Behold the Mother” from Dead Reckonings, published by Chaosium Incorporated.

The series is edited and produced by Colin Peterson and Cat Blackard and the original score is composed and performed by Ryan McQuinn and Mike McQuinn of Neon Dolphin - home for all your custom music needs and more. Neondolphinmusic.com.

For full episode credits, transcripts, as well as character sheets and other supplemental material - visit CthulhuMystery.com.

This program is made possible by the support of listeners like YOU. Join us at Patreon.com/OmniverseMedia

All characters appearing are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

This series is recorded and produced in Central Florida and Nashville, Tennessee on lands ruthlessly taken from their indiginous people: the Timucua and Seminole, and Yuchi, Shawnee, and Cherokee - respectively. To learn more about the first nations of the land where you live visit: native-land.ca

This has been The Call of Cthulhu Mystery Program… Goodnight

[Music fades]

[Omniverse Audio Brand]

Copyright © 2020 Omniverse Media
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